Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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