I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How external is "for external use only"?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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