Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
