i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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