my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
