how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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