OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
