She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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