I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
