My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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