Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
