Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
