oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
