how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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