Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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