you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
