I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
