she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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