I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
