Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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