just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
