Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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