i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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