my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
