Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
