hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize