Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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