soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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