I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
