I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
