its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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