I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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