Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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