shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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