my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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