We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
