Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
