no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
