No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
