The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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