Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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