So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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