a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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