So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
