He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
