I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm like, not good at living.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
