wanna go halves on a baby?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
