I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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