i think i have two assholes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
