i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
