tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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