It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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