RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
