My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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