There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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