It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
