The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just high enough for therapy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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