I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
