Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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