hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's the barista slut.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
