Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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