bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
