I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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