i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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