One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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