I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
