I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
