wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
